Perpetual Fantasy #2 – Pain

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On May 24th, 2018 I released the official “Pain” music video. Surely many people have written a song entitled “Pain” before. I’ve heard some of them. It may not be the most original of titles, but in Life everyone’s pain is unique to them. That’s a catch-22 of our existence here. Pain is a universal human experience, yet every individual’s pain is like a snowflake shaped out of his or her own isolated lives.

There are many different dimensions of Pain of course. There’s plain old physical pain, but when it comes to my song I am referring to a deep emotional pain. In a recent television appearance after performing my acoustic version of “Pain” the host Jon Gray asked me, “Hey. Did a woman do that to you?” My response: “A woman did it. Life did it. I did it to myself.” Having been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression when I was around 20, I know that sometimes there just isn’t any answer as to what causes the Pain. Because of this I released the video in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month (Month of May).

There are three representations of Pain in the music video- Loneliness, Addiction, and Humiliation. Loneliness comes in the form of my imaginary friend laughing at me as I play solitaire, chess, and tarot with myself. Addiction comes in the form of a man continuously putting heavy rocks in my backpack. Humiliation comes in the form of a woman turning me into an ice cream sundae. There is also the infamous Veiled Lady- a mysterious blindfolded figure leading me to see my Pain. The dark side of my ego? Big thanks to director Matt Hoots for collaborating with me on these concepts. We may be most proud of the ice cream sundae.


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